Anger: When does it become a problem?
Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences from time to time, and is a normal part of being human. However, while a normal response, there are times where the anger we feel can cause real damage to not only ourselves, but those around us. While it is easy to write the emotion off as unhealthy and needing to be hidden, things are rarely as simple as they seem on the surface. Anger is more commonly a mask for or a response to a series of multifaceted and complex emotions that are bubbling beneath the surface. Without proper and healthy release of these feelings, we can be left like bubbling like pots on a stove; slowly building up heat until we boil over and the superheated ‘concoction’ of unhealthy emotions come pouring out. Doing more damage than initially anticipated.
The Anger Iceberg:
Just like an Iceberg, when either experiencing or witnessing anger, what we see on the surface is rarely the full picture, and is usually a small part of a much larger emotional landscape; where underneath the surface, a ‘cacophony’ of other turbulent feelings are at play. It is important to consider that this could be a shield that was learnt from as far back as childhood. Serving as a cover for other emotions that cause an individual to feel more exposed and vulnerable.
If allowed, anger can take the lead role in our lives and become problematic. Overshadowing the subtler, less obvious feelings such as ‘loneliness’ or ‘stress’. Understanding the driving emotions behind anger can create opportunities for learning and managing issues that are currently and overwhelmingly affecting our quality of life.
On the other side of the coin, understanding that more may be at play under the surface when witnessing and approaching someone engulfed in anger, can allow for us to approach this oftentimes overwhelming and sensitive situation with more empathy and compassion. They may be navigating challenges, facing internal struggles, or experiencing pain that goes beyond the visible.
Healthy VS Unhealthy Anger
As mentioned above, anger is a natural emotion, but proper release of it is key to ensuring that pressure does not continue to build, causing an emotional ‘explosion’, damaging ourselves and those around us. If an individual does not feel safe expressing themselves or does not want to hurt others feelings, then denial of anger (Repression) or pushing down feelings of anger (Suppression) can feel like the right option in that specific moment. While others may not initially take them in good faith, not acknowledging those feelings at all can lead to more pain down the road than was initially worried about. However, It is important to recognise the differences between directive but healthy and aggressive, unhealthy anger. With the potential for damage that an emotion like this has, once acknowledged, there is a responsibility to express the anger in a healthy way.
Below are some key differences between healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing these feelings. If you find yourself expressing in any of the ‘unhealthy’ ways, then it is important to take a step back and re-evaluate. For example, while indeed very frustrating, shouting at and threatening someone because they accidentally burnt our meal is never an appropriate response to have. Oftentimes there can be a fine line between the way in which we feel we have been slighted and our response to that being not warranted.
Healthy Anger:
Clear and direct communication.
Firm but fair tone.
Acknowledgment of the anger.
Clearly communicating the event that caused the anger.
Allowing the person to leave if they wish.
Unhealthy Anger:
Sarcastic and aggressive language.
Placing all the blame on the other person.
Being judgemental, aggressive or condescending.
Vague and unclear communication.
Blocking exits or following the other person around and harassing them.
Physical / Mental release:
Whether the pressure has built up uncontrollably, or if we just need a release to help ground us, there are many techniques that can help bring us safely back to ground level. Physical exercise plays a large role in helping us emotionally regulate our mindset. When we exert ourselves, our brain releases endorphins, which are our bodies feel good hormone. Leaving us in a happier place than before. However, while in certain smaller cases we can physically deal with emotions by going for a run or lifting weights, in many cases we also need to mentally / emotionally release our feelings of anger and other associated emotions with no filter. This is where therapy comes in. Therapy is your safe space to release all your thoughts and feelings, to provide a emotional release. Additionally therapy can also be a place to explore healthy ways of expressing anger.
Combining the feel good chemicals of exercise with proper understanding of ourselves and how to healthily release our feelings of anger, plays a large role in allowing us to be in better control of our impulses and ensure that feelings of anger never cross the line into becoming a problem.
-By Patrick
PUT AT END _ SELLING POINT ANGER> DOES DAMAGE TO OURSELVES INIT> EMOTIONAL OUTLET THERAPY. can cause physical symptoms.