Word Of The Month: Attachment

January's word of the month is Attachment.

Attachment is described as being a theory detailing behaviour and connection (Behrens, 2016). Additionally, attachment is the bond that is initially formed between infants and caregivers, and significant others. It is also the bond we make with other people, such as friends, colleagues and romantic partners. We can also hold strong bonds with animals such as our pets.

What do close bonds look like for you?

Attachment Styles

Below is an Attachment Styles questionnaire which is designed to measure your attachment style, signifying the way you relate to others in the context of intimate relationships.

Attachment styles are unique and you may find you fit into one category, or multiple, or that you are different styles with different people. You may even find that you are typically 'secure' but when you are stressed or overwhelmed, you have aspects of a different attachment style, linking back to your learnt attachment style during childhood. Ideally, the aim is by gaining insight about yourself and how you form bonds with others, you can learn to have a deeper awareness of yourself, resulting in healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

The importance of a secure attachment

Children need a sense of safety within their attachment figure for them to develop trust and allow room for exploring the world while knowing they can return to their 'secure base', especially when they feel upset or anxious (Ainsworth, 1982).

The quality of the early attachment relationship affects how the child relates to others and feels about themselves (Gerhardt, 2004). The concept 'internal working models' (Bowlby, 1969), is a cognitive framework for understanding how people see the world and others; influenced by their relationship with their primary caregiver.

For example, a baby who's crying, with parents who ignore their cries and needs, will learn that his needs are not important, and may internalise their needs. This may lead to feelings of rejection and unworthiness later on in life, along with the view others are not to be relied on for help and support. Whereas, a loving response will learn that his needs are met and heard, and they will feel loved and nurtured.

Bowlby (1969) and Shemmings (2011) showed the importance of the primary caregiver's attachment to their child and the long-lasting effects, leading to:

• Higher self-confidence

• Empathy when securely attached to both parents

• Higher self-esteem and empathy

• Dealing with stress more effectively

• Faster memory recall

• Higher impulse control

• Reliable individuals

Getting some help

Beginning the therapy process can help you understand more about attachment; it can help identify links from your past, and explore how you shaped the way you think and behave with others. If you would like to learn more, contact Relational Counselling.

– By Melissa

If you need to talk to a counsellor contact Relational Counselling 

References

Ainsworth, M. and Bell, S. (1970) 'Attachment, exploration, and separation: illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation', Child Development, 41(1), pp. 49-67. doi:10.2307/1127388.

Behrens, K. Y. (2016) 'Reconsidering attachment in context of culture: review of attachment studies in Japan', Online Readings in Psychology and Culture, 6(1), pp. 3-39. doi:10.9707/ 2307-0919.1140.

Bowlby, J. (1969) Attachment and Loss, Volume 1. London: Pimlico.

Shemmings, D. (2011) Attachment in Children and Young People. Dartington: Research in Practice.